For Jess

I'm pretty sure you're the only one who is reading my blog now that I've moved back to the east coast and my family quite possibly isn't interested in reading about something not taking place in Utah!

Well, Jess, I hate being graduated! I miss having a job, and friends that I can call up and be like "Wanna go to the mall?", and a routine where I would go to classes/student teach, then go to work, then come home and stress out then go to sleep! Am I crazy?! I need a job, stat.

I've interviewed a few places, and am just waiting to hear back. (I'm going to regret posting this stuff because I probs won't get these jobs). They are just part time because I have to get certified to teach in Massachusetts, which is time consuming, AND money consuming. I interviewed at Education Inc. in Plymouth, where I would go into hospitals and children's homes and work one-on-one with children who can't go to school for whatever reason, whether they were injured or have a behavior problem. The other place I interviewed, I'm really excited about! It's at Harvard (yep!!!) and it's called Botanic Gardens. It's a preschool... one of a few Harvard affiliated schools out in Cambridge, MA. It's just for a substitute position, but the lady said they hire a lot of their good subs. It's an intense screening process they go through for subs... I've subbed out in Utah and it was like, "Ever been arrested?... No.?.. OK! You're hired! Sign here..." But out here, I need shots (ughhh...) and doctors notes and multiple interviews and orientations!

But Ryan just got home and we're ordering pizza tonight! I looked everywhere in Utah to find pizza like it is out here, but the closest I came to was Sbarro! Mmmmmm thin crust :) You suck, Chicago!

Miss you two! I'll give you a call later this week to wish you guys a Merry Christmas! I never got around to writing my Christmas cards this year :( Ohhh well!

Can't wait!

It hasn't snowed yet out here since I've been home, but I can't wait for when it does!Snowfall in Boston, Massachusetts

Happy Birthday

Today my mother turns 34. Or something like that.

To my perfect, beautiful, honest, selfless, hard working, sweet mother,

Happy Birthday.

I love you.

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my Mommy you'll be.

-Robert Munsch

a theory

As I got in my car after work tonight, and I put in one of the three discs in my "Bath and Body Works Perfect Christmas Collection", a thought crossed my mind: Why am I not sick of these songs? I've listened to them every year from probably Halloween till Christmas since 2005 when I worked at Bath and Body Works. It's not that I've expected to eventually get tired of listening to What Child Is This or Winter Wonderland, but specifically the version Destiny's Child sings of What Child Is This and specifically the version Liz Phair sings of Winter Wonderland.

I sat at the red light outside my work, waiting for it to turn green, and thought about this. I think it's because we assign various Christmas songs to different memories that are specific to gatherings with family and friends during the holidays. Those songs that are correlated with our memories give us the feeling of glee and contentment. Therefore, we don't get sick of the songs we hear every holiday season!

I believe it's not the songs exactly, but the version of the songs and who sings them. I would like to share some of my "song memories" with you:

White Christmas by The Drifters- Two words: Home Alone! This is when Kevin is "shaving" in the beginning of the movie and singing into a comb. This whole movie brings me back to being little and watching this ALL year round with my little brother.

Silent Night, the hymn- This song reminds me of the midnight Christmas Eve service at my church in South Windsor. We sing this song as the second to last song of the night. The lights are turned off and the choir is lining the perimeter of the chapel, all holding lit candles, and the candles in the windows also light the room. I don't remember what Christmas Eve it was, but I was standing next to my Papa and I could hear him singing loudly during this song. As his hands firmly gripped the back of the pew in front of him to help his weak arms support his weight, my grandmother placed her hand upon his, and they continued singing.

Jingle Bell Rock by Bobby Helms- My parents had a briefcase filled with cassettes in our hall closet, which was also where they kept the cassette player. Justin and I would always go grab the player and the briefcase and take out the cassette labeled CHRISTMAS. This song was one of my favorites, and I specifically remember playing this song while decorating the tree as a family. We had one of the chairs from the kitchen in the family room so my dad could stand on it to put the star on top of the tree.

Santa Baby by The Pussycat Dolls- This song is on my Bath and Body Works CD, and the CD would play over the speakers at Bath and Body Works when I worked there during the holiday season in 2005. This specific song reminds me of working late with Michelle the night of Black Friday. I was an idiot and wore heals, and my feet hurt so bad! Michelle and I had to stay until I think it was 3 a.m. or something crazy like that.

What are some of your "song memories"?

updates

1. I'm officially feeling 100% like myself again after the accident.
2. I'm now terrified of driving, and seriously considering investing in a bike or some really good walking shoes.
3. I am obsessed with Kardashians. Thank you instant Netflix.
4. One more week until I am done student teaching! Yayy, celebration for me.
5. I don't know if anyone knows, but that means I graduate in a week. Yayy, another celebration for me.
6. I'm not pregnant. Just thought I'd throw that out there, since a certain sister-in-law of mine will be disappointed when reading this.
7. I'm pretty sure I haven't worn make-up in so long that I've forgotten how to apply it.
8. Every year, I put extra effort into my Christmas Eve outfit, since that is my favorite holiday. I have the shoes. Now I need to build my outfit around the shoes. Isn't that how it works, ladies? Back me up here.
9. Confession: I'm nervous that when I move back east, I'll take my family for granted just like I did before I moved out here over 3 years ago.
10. Currently on my mind: Would I rather have absolutely no butt? Or an enormous butt? Not that I want either... I'm just thinking which scenario would suck the most.

...aaaaand, i'm back

Ryan picked me up from the airport Thursday evening around 5. We said our hello's, I got in the car, and we started our short drive to my house. As I looked around at the beautiful New England sunset, at my wonderful husband next to me, and at all the familiar Connecticut license plates on that familiar I-84, I began to cry. "Why are you crying, babes?" he asked me. I told him I didn't want to go back to Utah. Seriously? I JUST got there, and I was already thinking about how I had to leave!

Besides dreading the trip back west the entire weekend, I had a fabulous time with my husband. Thursday night I got to go out to dinner with my family (parents, grandparents, aunt, uncle, and in-laws), and then we headed to Quincy where I got to finally meet my new home. The next day, we ran errands (Ryan was thrilled to do this...cough cough) and he showed me around. The traffic is absolutely crazy, and the roads make no sense to me! Two way streets turn into one way streets without signs letting you know! There are stop lights that point in all different directions! And the people who live in Massachusetts are called Mass-holes for a reason! AHHHHH I am scared to drive there. I told him to anticipate an accident shortly after I move there. I thought it would be nice to give him a heads-up, so maybe he wouldn't be too mad at me when it actually happened.

He took me to Nut Island which is a part of Hough's Neck. It overlooks the Boston skyline and is absolutely beautiful. This will definitely be a place I go often to escape and relax. Here are some pictures from Hough's Neck! Bev and Ricky came over Friday night as I discovered how to use a gas stove. Thanks you guys for being understanding :) And then we introduced them to Arrested Development! And I rediscovered my love for Jason Bateman.

Saturday we went into Boston (literally 10 minute drive from our apartment!) where Ryan got asked to help out a street performer at Faneuil Hall do some escape thing upside down. Then we ate at an AMAZING seafood restaurant and walked down to Long Wharf. The weather was beautiful and it was a perfect day.
And then it was Sunday. The day I had been dreading ever since my plane landed. We drove home to Connecticut and had lunch at my house after I visited Justin at work. Now that he is the only manager of Brookestone, he works so much! I have the best parents in the world because my mom made Thanksgiving dinner! ON HALLOWEEN! Since I wasn't going to be home for Thanksgiving, she took the time to make my favorite stuffing (vegetarian) and cranberry sauce and mashed potatoes (also vegetarian) and sweet potatoes with marshmallows! It was wonderful and I appreciate everything my family does for me and Ryan.

Just 5 weeks until Utah is over and I am finally back with the people I love. But I most of all can't wait to see Ryan.

home sweet home

The plan: In 4 days from right now, I will be sitting around a long table at Willington Pizza (my favorite pizza spot in Connecticut!) surrounded by all my loved ones. After that, Ryan and I will drive up to Boston so I can see our new home. Friday morning, it's off to the bank so I can get my name on our new bank account. Then Bev and Ricky are coming over for dinner that night! Saturday is a "Me & Ryan Day". He claims to have found the best Italian restaurant in Boston, so we will take the T downtown so I can test this place out! And he wants to take me around to all the shores he has found close to our apartment, like Hough's Neck. Then it's dinner with my family on Sunday, then back to Utah for another 5 long weeks without my husband :(

I have seriously been looking forward to this Thursday, October 28, for quite a while. Don't believe me? Here is a calendar I've had taped to the inside of my closet, and every night I cross off that day.
There's just something that's so comforting about crossing something off, whether it's a calendar or a list. Don't you agree?

Well, it's Autumn, and it's when I miss Connecticut the most. The colors are fabulous, and the smells are absolutely wonderful. But most of all, fall reminds me of Ryan. It's when we first started dating, and it immediately reminds me of all the rides to and from Institute, and the time he got pulled over in front of my house for being suspected of drunk driving, and all the times we would sit on the benches at Central, cuddled under the same jacket, and carving pumpkins and going to the haunted forest and blah blah blah...

My Grandma knows how much I love the fall, so for the second year in a row, she has gathered up some leaves from her yard (note a few posts back, a photo of her vibrant tree in her yard), pressed them, and mailed them out to me. I am so grateful she found the time to send a little bit of home to me. I have the best family in the world!

hey jealousy

I have jealousy.

I have jealousy towards people who have furniture in their homes. I look across at the other condos adjacent to mine and envy them as they lounge with bowls of popcorn watching a movie on their TV.

I have jealousy towards people who are in the same state.. no wait, same timezone.. as their loved one. Like people in the grocery store who share pushing their cart around and interlock their free hands. I have been comforting my good friend out here as she has been going through a break up and now is back together with him, but I want to shake her by her shoulders and slap her around and say, UM HELLO! AT LEAST YOU GET TO SEE YOUR GUY!

I have jealousy towards my husband, who gets to live in a fabulous apartment with all of our furniture and kitchen stuff. I mean, why should he have the pots and pans? Is he going to wake up early to make a batch of homemade tomato sauce? I think not. He is a 5 minute drive away from Hough's Neck, a gorgeous stretch of shore which overlooks the Boston skyline. I mean, seriously?! So what. I can see a mountain... take that.

I have jealousy towards people who have a variety of clothes in their closets. I rotate between 5 outfits at work... one for each day. Luckily I don't think the students notice. I haven't accessorized since August. What's a necklace again? I forget..

Okay, okay. I'm not jealous. I just miss it all. I didn't realize how much I relied on certain things, like clocks and spatulas and my husband , and everything else I am without right now. I didn't realize it until it was all gone. I am fully aware that I chose to live this way so I only had to move once, but man it is hard! But pretty soon I will be able to move home (FYI home=Massachusetts!).

Today marks my half-way point until I move home for good!

Yayy!

before you speak

Before I met a certain someone in high school who introduced me to a certain new way of living, I used to have a very dirty mouth. You know when you watch a movie and think, All that swearing was so unnecessary! Every other word was a form of the word f*ck! Well, that was how I talked. I threw words out there that could have been left out, that offended people, and that got me into trouble.

Being in the major that I am in, I am more aware of how the things we say affect people. I did a project about a year ago in my Multicultural Education class that was based on the book Dude, You're a Fag. It was about how the gay and lesbian are treated in school, and how they are hurt by people who aren't even aware they are doing it. For example, people who say "That's gay!" are putting another meaning to the word gay other than homosexual.

I've uploaded my project below.. so let me explain a little. Based on the book I read, I asked some people questions based on the topic. When I created the video, it cut off some of the letters, and I don't know why! I did it over and over again and it kept cutting the letters off... so yes, I do know how to spell. I promise. Obviously I'm not a professional movie maker, but this video gets the message across and that's all that matters. Big thanks again to Ryan, Rob and Brooke for letting me ask you these questions.

Along that line, people who throw out the word retarded are doing the same thing. I am currently working with someone who I look up to a lot, and have looked up to for almost a year now. She is teaching me how to be a teacher, and she is absolutely wonderful all around. However, when she is not in the teacher setting and casually talking with friends, I overhear her several times use the word retarded to describe the curriculum or an assembly or something else. I have lost a lot of respect for her after hearing her use this word because she was someone who was supposed to be modeling how I should be acting as a teacher. Yet, I still need to look up to her to some degree in order to get through the rest of this semester.

Think before you speak. Don't just think about how the listener will take what you're saying, but think about who else out there you are offending. Gay does not mean stupid. Retarded does not mean dumb or lame. Instead of saying gay or retarded, just say the words you are really meaning to say, instead of using words that are unnecessary.

Take it from a girl who has used many unnecessary words back in the day.

Just a sec.

I want to take a moment to say how awesome my little brother is. Okay, so he isn't exactly little. Being taller than I, let's just call him my younger brother. We've recently started an email going back and forth between us where we write down crazy memories we have from our childhood. Some of you may not know what I'm talking about, but among these memories are:
*We LOVED filming music videos. I have one of him and his friend Chris dancing to Missy Elliot with their underwear on their heads

*We would clean out the bottoms of our closets, put our sleeping bags in the bottoms of them and sleep in there. Sometimes we would trade rooms and sleep in opposite closets.

*The night before our first time flying to Disney World, we were helping each other make our beds and said "OK, we won't fight on this trip."

*Justin hid Daddy's keys the night before we were supposed to leave for Cape Cod and forgot where he put them. We were all up the entire night with flash lights searching our yard... come to find out he had hid them in a bowl in the kitchen.

*Ditch 1 and Ditch 2 in the winter under the power lines (you had to be there)

*Every Halloween we would keep our candy in a secret place and take them out only to trade. We would always eat our last candy bar Christmas Eve.

*Tennis over the roof... turned into tennis in the road once the parents found out we were hitting balls over the house. Still can't believe how long we got away with that..

*Sleeping in the same bed Christmas Eves and taking turns staying up to watch for Santa

*Instead of telling on each other, if we got mad we would either threaten to tear the sheets off the other's bed, or secretly rub their toothbrush in a bar of soap

*When Jenna and Alex would come over and we would lay out all of our stuffed animals on the driveway to play with them

*Roller blading. In the basement. To Ace of Base.

*Putting Barbies in our roller skates attached with shoe laces and taking them for walks (hey. we were really little here)

Go ahead and say we were crazy. But looking back, I had the best friend growing up, and still do. Justin has the warmest heart of anyone I know. He is funny when you least expect him to be, inappropriate at the wrong times, and compassionate when you need it the most. I can honestly say that Justin beats out my husband and parents combined when it comes to how many bouquets of flowers I've received.

Here's to you, Justin. I love you kid.

Antipasto

I may be a pescaterian,

but I make a mean antipasto.

Looking forward

Pretty soon, I will see this every day.

{Boston--as Ryan drives to work}

And this.

{My Grandma's backyard--sent today from my wonderful mother}

This is my paradise.

Home Sweet Home

Our apartment in Quincy, MA will be ready to move in on October 1st! Until then, Ry will be commuting from Connecticut all the way to work... he is crazy! Well, maybe I think that just because I hate driving. But still. Here are some pictures Ryan took of our new home. Note: the kitchen is being completely redone, hence the refrigerator in the living room and the kitchen sink on the floor.

I seriously LOVE the character this place has. Our condo in Utah is beautiful and new, but this is very different. A good different! I just love the dark wood, and hardwood floors. I couldn't be more satisfied with where we will be living.

Here you get a little glimpse of the torn-apart kitchen. I'm anxious to see what it will look like when it is finished!

The outside :) There are 4 apartments in the house. We have the bottom right!

If I could change one thing though, it would be where the washer/dryer are. They are in the basement that seriously looks like a dungeon. Needless to say, Ryan will be the one doing the laundry. I've seen too many scary movies to be able to go down in the dungeon to do laundry!

Nutshell

I love to dance. In my own way. If you tell me I look good in it, I'll wear it.
Sugar is my middle name.
I've never been good at crossing my legs while wearing a dress. Could this explain it?
I'm Italian, so naturally I enjoy my pasta.
And as for Ryan? He lives for chocolate. But that's not chocolate on his face. Looks like it though, huh!

Sad times: Before & After

ohhh how i miss the days when i had furniture.

before... after.
before... after.
before...

after.before...after.

What would you say?

The following is a true story.

A little girl had spinal meningitis and was unable to speak.

One day at the age of twelve, she was sitting in the living room while her father was in the kitchen. Suddenly, he heard "I love you." Confused about where the sound came from, he wandered into the living room and looked at the TV to see if it was on. It was off, so he went back into the kitchen. He heard it again. "I love you." The father thought he was losing his mind. He walked into the living room and checked the TV again. Still, it was off. His gaze shifted from the TV to his daughter, who was staring at him with large eyes. "I love you," she said to him. Her father was in disbelief. He shouted for his wife to join them in the living room. The girl's mother came and listened. For 15 minutes, the girl continued to say over and over again, "I love you. I love you," and no words other than "I love you" were spoken.

The girl did not speak ever again after that day, after those 15 minutes of only repeating the words "I love you." She died at the age of 30.

If you could only have 15 minutes out of your entire life to speak, what would you say?

Finally..

..we're coming home.

It's official. We are moving to Massachusettes! Ryan's new job is in North Quincy. He wants to live in the city... I want to live near the shore. We will see where we end up!

Ry drives out with his father and everything in our condo next Friday (sad!) and then I will join him in Mass in December. What will I do all day in an empty 3-bedroom condo alone?? So sad to think about.

But yep, that's our news! We couldn't be happier about where we are ending up!

Where to live?

Ry is interviewing back east right now and it is VERY hard to not get excited about moving. But where to get excited about most?!!
Connecticut? With my family and beautiful fall colors and trees everywhere and the beach?

Or Boston? With the fun city life and the harbor and my best friend 20 minutes away?
Or Philadelphia? With my fav football team... THE EAGLES! and like Boston, the city is right there, and really close to Ocean City NJ, only my FAVORITE vacation spot of all time?
Yep, this is me getting my hopes up.

Amore

I have fallen in love with Andrea Bocelli.

Reading about his life has captured me. Although I struggle to understand a lot of the words of his songs, his music is so powerful that I can feel the words through the strength of his voice. It's like in the movie Pretty Woman, when Edward takes Vivian to the opera. Vivian is concerned that she won't understand the opera because it is all in Italian. Edward responds by saying, "Believe me, you'll understand. The music is very powerful."

My favorite line: (from Time to Say Goodbye):

Si lo so che non c'è luce
in una stanza quando manca il sole,
se non ci sei tu con me.

Translation: There is no light in a room where there is no sun
and there is no sun if you're not here with me.

Massacre

Omar Thornton, 34, went on a shooting rampage following a meeting with his bosses at a Connecticut beer distributor after he was caught on tape steeling beer and was told he could quit or would be fired. Thornton killed eight people and injured two before committing suicide. -Fox News

7:27 a.m: From a man to 911
"His name is Omar. Hurry, please ... He's killing fucking people. ... He's going back in the building now."

7:28 a.m: Steve Hollander, company vice president calls and describes the suspect. Hollander was grazed by a bullet and released from the hospital.
Caller: OK. I see him running away right now. He is shooting at somebody else. He is still shooting.
911: (muffled) Shooter is outside.
Caller: He is shooting at a girl.
911: OK, how many people are down, sir?
Caller: He's got a -- he is still running after people. He is not leaving.
911: OK. Do you see what kind of gun he has, sir?
Caller: It's a black gun. I don't know. He's wearing a blue shirt and blue shorts. He has got -- he's got -- he's got a -- oh shit he is still shooting. I hear guns out there.
911: He used to work there?
Caller: Yeah, until I just fired him.
911: Today?
Caller: Today, just now, before he started shooting. He is chasing people out in the parking lot.

7:43 a.m: From an injured man in building
Caller: Hi, I am at Hartford Distributors. I am at one of the offices. Can you find out if it is it safe for me to come out yet?
911: It is not sir. Are you bleeding heavily?
Caller: No, not heavily.
911: You feel OK right now?
Caller: Yeah.
911: How many people do you have with you?
Caller: My son, just me and my son.
911: I need you stay in there. Is the door locked?
Caller: Yes.
911: Stay in there and stay down. Have your son keep an eye if you start to become less awake have him call us right away.
Caller: I am fine. I know for a fact two people are dead in here inside the building, not in my office, in the hallway. They were both shot right in the head.
911: Sir, just stay in the office with your son, please.

It is being called the Manchester Massacre.
I am incredibly grateful that my father's life was spared that morning as he was loading up his van to make deliveries for his employer, Hartford Distributors, when he heard gun shots coming from inside the warehouse next to him. He ran for his life across the field bordering the warehouse, dropping his cell phone along the way.

My mother woke up that morning to a phone call from a woman from church. "Is Charlie alright?" My mom had not heard of the tragedy yet, and struggled to put in her contacts with shaking hands. Since my dad dropped his phone, my mom's multiple attempts at calling him were no use. She had no choice but to sit by the phone and wait for it to ring. It did--with good news.

Police held the survivors who escaped the warehouse across the street in safety. [in this photo, my dad is mid-right in the white striped shirt.]

I can't even express how differently I look at family, at life, at death.. it's hard for me to sleep at night because every time I close my eyes the thought goes through my mind-- What if my dad had gone into the warehouse? I know I shouldn't be thinking "What if this" and "What if that", but sometimes we need to in order to slap ourselves in the face and shape up in the way we treat those we love. I can't even imagine how the families of the victims are feeling. As the names of the victims have just been recently released, my father (along with the community) is just heartbroken over this tragedy.

I went to high school with Ryan Pepin. Ryan's father was shot that morning as he saved his fellow employees. Craig Pepin was a hero, and his family can be sure that he is an angel for his heroic act. Continued prayers to his family as they go through this hard time.

To my best friend

here is the deepest secret nobody knows

here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;

which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart

i carry it in my heart

-E. E. Cummings

Congratulations to Bev and Ricky on your engagement.

New Jeans = A New Goal

I have a confession. I went to my salon today because they have an adorable boutique filled with high-end clothes and fabulous jewelry. As I was browsing through the sale rack, I came across a pair of Anoname jeans, originally $110, on sale for $27. The only problem was that they were size 25 (equivalent to a size 0)! Really.. 25?! I tried them on and could barely button them because of my stubborn jello hanging on my hips! But, after jumping up and down in the small fitting room and doing some lunges, I DID get them on. How could I put such a deal back on the rack for some girl skinnier than me to take? So I bought them! Now I have something to work towards during all my pilates and yoga classes!
Ironically enough, I came home and turned on the TV to find The Doctors was on, and the subject of the episode was "Fat: Everything You Never Knew." I was immediately intrigued. Check out my health blog to read more about what I learned!

Cruise Vid

Sorry, when I uploaded it to blogger the quality all of a sudden got sucky, but it's on facebook too if you want to see the pictures NOT blurry :) Enjoy! and again, thanks a million Gramma!!!

"Real Happiness"

A sermon was given on June 20, 2010 at Wapping Community Church in my hometown by a man named Bob King. The sermon was entitled "Real Happiness", and Bob died just a few hours after delivering the sermon to the people of the congregation. He was a father to two young children and a beloved husband. He was riding his bike down the back roads of Somers, CT when he had a fatal heart attack. Bob King, just 55 years old, died that Father's Day afternoon.

His sermon came up several times during conversations with my mother, who had grown close to Bob King and his family after serving with him as a deacon. She found it ironic that he died just after preaching this life-changing sermon, almost as though his purpose on Earth was to spread the word of "Real Happiness", and once this purpose was accomplished, it was time for him to go home.

Bob King's sermon was published in the Journal Inquirer (a Connecticut newspaper). It was mentioned in his obituary. It was posted online. This man had most definitely spread the message of what real happiness was, and people couldn't get enough of it. Here is his sermon, word for word. Pass it on.

"Real Happiness"

June 20, 2010

Bob King

Isaiah 55: 1-12

It is Father's Day today and some of us are grateful for that. Some of us get excited -- we might even get excused from taking out the trash or cutting the grass today. It reminds me of a story that addresses both Father's Day and the predicament we find ourselves in today with no actual clergy to be seen in church on a Sunday morning.

One of our favorite TV shows is America's Funniest Home Videos. The other day there was one scene where proud parents were taping some performance, with the camera homed in on a six-year-old boy. He finished the dance number and with his fellow performers went to sit down in a row of chairs in the middle of the stage. You thought he was going to just sit quietly with everybody else. As if nobody could see him, he started waving to his father, trying to get his attention. "Dad," he said in a stage whisper. "Dad. Hey Dad -- over here!" The father must have made eye contact at that point -- along with everybody else in the room, I'm sure, and the boy asked in that same whisper -- "How am I doin?"

I am definitely not going to ask that question, because I am really afraid what the answer will be. But I am going to talk about that passage from Isaiah. (Isaiah 55: 1-12)

It might be my imagination, but it seems there have been a lot of books and articles written lately about happiness. A lot of researchers have turned their sights on this topic, and why not. What could be more important? Directly or indirectly, isn't this what we all want?

The social psychologist David Myers has written extensively on the subject. He notes that the old American dream, and in fact an age-old idea, is that personal wealth is the way to happiness. It's the indulgences promised by magazine sweepstakes: a 40-foot yacht, a deluxe motor home, a personal housekeeper. ("Whoever said money can't buy happiness isn't spending it right," proclaims a Lexus ad.)

Myers notes that materialism surged during the 1970's and 1980's, as evident in the annual UCLA/American Council on Education (ACE) survey of nearly a quarter million students entering college. The proportion considering it "very important or essential" that they become "very well-off financially" went from 40 to 74 percent, flip-flopping with the shrinking numbers who considered it very important or essential to "develop a meaningful philosophy of life." Materialism was up, spirituality down.

In recent college surveys, being "very well-off financially" has been the top ranked of 19 rated goals, outranking "becoming an authority in my own field," "helping others in difficulty," and "raising a family." And it's not just collegians. Asked by the Roper roll to identify what makes "the good life," 38 percent of Americans in 1975 and 63 percent in 1996 chose "a lot of money." Do you remember the Michael Douglas character in the movie Wall Street? He said "Greed is good."

Does being well-off make for well-being? Would people -- would you -- be happier if you could exchange a modest lifestyle for one with a world-class home theater, a new Mercedes every year, and a house at the beach? Research offers some answers.

To a modest extent, rich people can be happier. Especially in poor countries, such as India, being relatively well-off does make for greater well-being. We need food, rest, shelter, and some sense of control over our lives. But in affluent countries, the link between wealth and self-reported well-being is "surprisingly weak." Once able to afford life's necessities, more and more money provides diminishing additional returns.

Even the very rich are only slightly happier than average.

Over time, does our happiness rise with our affluence? A recent windfall from an inheritance, a surging economy, or a lottery win does provide a temporary jolt of joy. But as soon as one adapts to the new wealth, the euphoria subsides.

What about as a country -- are we happier than in 1957, when economist John Galbraith was describing the United states as The Affluent Society?

Compared to then, today's America is the doubly affluent society -- when doubled real incomes (thanks partly to the doubling of married women's employment) and double what money buys. Americans today own about twice as many cars per person, eat out more than twice as often, and commonly enjoy big screen digital TVs, home computers, central air conditioning, and lots of other stuff.

We are not happier, though. Since 1957, the number of Americans who say they are "very happy" has declined slightly, from 35 to 30 percent. We are twice as right and not happier. Meanwhile, the divorce rate has doubled, the teen suicide rate has more than doubled, and increasingly our teens and young adults are plagued by depression.

Meyers calls this soaring wealth and shrinking spirit "the American paradox." We find ourselves with big houses and broken homes, high incomes and low morale, secured rights and diminished civility. We are excelling at making a living but too often failing at making a life. We celebrate our prosperity but yearn for purpose. We cherish our freedoms but long for connection. In an age of plenty, we are feeling spiritual hunger.

Prophets and wise men of many ages and cultures have known this. In Chapter 55, Isaiah writes, "Why do you spend your money for that which is not bread, and your labor for that which does not satisfy?" Isaiah gives us the path to happiness too. "Ho, everyone who thirsts, come to the waters, and you that have no money, come, buy and eat! Come, buy wine and milk without money and without price. Listen carefully to me and eat what is good and delight yourselves in rich food."

What Isaiah is alluding to, of course, is what social scientists say again and again is a key piece of happiness today, as reported by people who call themselves happy: a spiritual connection. One more statistic, and this will be the last one: those who never or seldom go to church are half as likely to pronounce themselves very happy that those who attend regularly.

(By the way, the other factors scientists find are keys to happiness in the modern age are first, a sense of belonging and connection with others -- especially spouses and close friends. Second, optimism and a perceived sense of control over one's life. Third is the state between boredom and stressful activity that scientists call "flow" -- when you are absorbed in an activity of some challenge. For example, most people are happier gardening than power-boating, talking to friends than watching TV.)

But let's get back to the spiritual. Because there is a kind of happiness and then there is real happiness -- the joy of being close to God. The latter is simply impossible if our minds are on money all the time, or on our jobs every minute all day, or on some mindless TV shows for the several hours of prime time. And for that matter, if we are plotting to get power over somebody else in some relationship, we are not going to get close to God. Or if we hold on to some resentment against somebody while outwardly being nice, we are not moving close to God. If we are repeating to ourselves some destructive sentiment -- like "I knew that wouldn't work" or "I messed this up again, like I always do," if we say this to ourselves we are not getting closer to God. If we are lying, or injuring others, we are not getting closer to God.

We need to remind ourselves that we are children of God. We need to listen to our higher selves, our God-selves, our souls, which guide us in the direction of God's intention. They hold our deepest and most genuine feelings. God is speaking to our higher selves all the time. God's thoughts fill the space around us. It is up to us to tune our spiritual radios to hear God speaking. We know intuitively that there is much more to life than wealth and power. Our souls are trying to remember their closeness to God. It's a constant battle with our lower selves, which seek physical gratification, ego-boosting, personal, ethnic, or national power, and other things related not to God but related to this world only. There are certainly enough siren-song messages on radio and TV and movies, on the Internet, and now iPods and iPhones. The messages constantly tell us how to look great in this particular car. Or to be part of this particular group seeking to defeat this other group. Or to somehow reach happiness by great sex or gourmet meals. Or to get rich, and thus get happy.

We need to be aware that these dramas are played out right on our minds every day, and sometimes on many occasions each day. The dramas between good actions and bad, between truth and untruth, between the spiritual and the worldly. Many of us make to-do lists. Some of us would be lost without them because our feeble brains can't quite remember everything we need to remember. And since our higher selves are developed not just in this sanctuary on Sundays but also in day-to-day activities, how about the to-do list as a way to get to that communion with God that we know will make us happier? Maybe we need some new items for our to-do list on a given workday, sandwiched between get groceries, complete that report, and attend that meeting. How about: "Give thanks to God"? How about "Pray to help for that hospitalized friend"? How about this simple task, which can take as little or as much time as you want -- "Ask God to reveal himself." Then take a moment in the midst of your day and perform these tasks. Check them off the list.

Many times of the day are conducive to prayer, meditation, or other spiritual disciplines -- the "money" to buy Isaiah's "rich food." Pray before going to sleep. It doesn't have to be elaborate. Sit quietly before others are awake. And when you are ready to eat dinner, try to refrain from digging in without first saying a prayer. That puts things in the proper order: God first, the material world second. A distant second. Amen.

Here we come!

In less than a week, Ry and I will be catching a red-eye flight home to Connecticut! We are so excited to spend time with family and friends, oh, and of course, go on the cruise! For me, I can't wait to go home next week and see all of the green things that grow in the east and not in Utah, like trees and grass!

Of course, I will post pictures from our visit home and from the cruise. It will be nice to get a break from work and MATH! Finally, I hope I can catch a break from these math dreams :( they are worse than nightmares. Ryan, as of tomorrow, is officially done with school! Until he gets his Master's, of course :) But he has his last final tomorrow, and what better way to celebrate a graduation than a beautiful trip to the Eastern Caribbean! We are so excited to see everyone!

And as for me, I just want to go home.