the B word

I want a baby.

But I don't want a baby.

...ya know?

Like, I see how cute they are, and I'm really curious how a mixture of me and Ryan will look. I want to take tons and tons of pictures and post them on my blog and take videos and dress it up wicked cute for Halloween (even though I hate the holiday) and Christmas and Easter! I want to brag to everyone about how my kid knows sign language and learned Spanish at the same time it learned English!

But I don't want the stretch marks. And the expenses. And the stuff that happens to my boobs. And I'm not looking forward to moving (again) and never sleeping again and trying to balance my in-laws and parents with my kid, and finding a babysitter, and the crying and the pooping and the barfing! And I want to do a natural birth but I have like ZERO pain tolerance! Ughh I don't want a baby.

But I do. Just not now.

...ya know?